But a vapor of smoke.

I should totally be in bed but my brain won't turn off. Life happened tonight. My 18 month old went potty like a big boy. We haven't been pushing the issue because he is still young but we've been introducing the idea slowly. Stuff like..."daddy goes potty like a big boy....one day you will!" And every night I had been letting him sit just for fun...and tonight he tee teed like a big boy. I was thrilled! I hollered "yaaayyyy!" And I danced with him down the hall to tell daddy. I was pumped until he went to sleep. Then it hit me. Life happens. And it happens way too fast. My brain started spinning because not only did my oldest boy potty like a big boy...but his daddy and I talked about how long his hair has gotten and how the thought of us having to cut it makes us both want to cry. Plus he's possibly going to have to make the transition out of his crib into a toddler bed. Woah. Slow down. Time stand still. Not to mention the fact that my littlest son, Levi is slowly getting too big for his newborn clothes. I can't deal. I just can't. It used to kill me thinking about marrying the love of my life and one day growing old with him and all that mush...but now this...My children will one day be grown. Ouch. Too much for one night. There will be no more bottles...no more toys throughout the house...no more cries in the night for another bottle...Time...please stand still. Now before you say it,yes I know...I have forever until that time comes..but not really...After my brain began to process all this (mind you I'm in bed trying to sleep?!!)I began to think about certain times in my life that I miss. High school. I miss high school. Not for any reason other than soccer...the practices, the sweat, the victories, the losses, the fighting, the battle. I miss that. I miss college. Yes college...I miss schoolwork, I miss buying books, making schedules, waiting for class to start in the hallways, going to bio labs, trying to find a dreadful parking spot, and I miss tests. I miss that! I miss early merge days...hanging out until 2 am on those above mentioned school nights lol...talking, praying, laughing, fellowship. I miss that. I miss the days when Brian and I were first dating...the butterflies, the excitement, the curiosity. I miss it. I miss being single married people (no kiddos, tho I wouldn't trade them for anything) I miss the oodles of time we had for each other. I miss that. I miss when Caleb was a baby...oh don't get me started. I miss that dearly. I miss it. Sad thing is...the common denominator to every area I missed is the fact that I wanted it all to hurry and pass so I could move on to the next phase...I look back and regret that...I do...I really do.  I took those times for granted. I blew through them...and was always looking ahead to the next thing and I miss it. Man life is just a vapor. My prayer is that going forward I will live in the moment...each moment..soaking up baby kisses...sweet little Levi smiles..sweaty husband fresh off of work hugs...and cleaning up a toy filled house.
Help me Lord to live in each day...not for tomorrow. Please Jesus...for before I know it this will all be gone and I will be in your presence..(what a day that will be...I know!)  But I am meant to make a difference while I am here...Lord help me to do that...and help me to have fun along the way!