The inner fight!

Sometimes after being saved a while we might not have any bondage's that you could see with your eyes anymore. The game has changed! People begin to grow in victory in Jesus and walk in freedom over some things! For example someone may not drink anymore or do drugs anymore or be in frivolous relationships, however a different fight begins! Not saying those things never rear their ugly heads again...but we begin to grow up and be a little more sanctified. But like I said a different fight begins!
         This is what I call the fight of the mind! I have experienced this so much lately! Feelings of falling short, or inadequacy begin to bring about a sense of bondage. I have recently experienced this! The sense of inadequacy has been the most real bondage lately! For example...Recently a friend of mine took me by the hand and down into the altar for me to pray with her to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was excited for her but nervous at the same time...I began to feel a sense of inadequacy like..."you could never pray with her and her receive!!" I felt very small! And would I ever baptise anyone in the Holy Ghost...NO because I am  not God and I know that...but this was about being used...It was a feeling that was saying you know if you prayed for her or anyone God surely wouldn't use you to do anything!!
        Which obviously we know where that lie came from. Now to make something VERY clear. I AM inadequate to do anything on my own...and so is every other child of God! However the God I serve is not inadequate but VERY Capable of handling business! So the devil is a liar! I am not sure if I am the only one who ever felt like this before but it became very real. Suddenly I was re evaluating my calling and wanting to back away from all ministry because I didn't feel like I could ever be effective in the kingdom of God. It was a sense of insecurity in who I am in Christ which was crazy because I had never dealt with it before! I told my husband about it and asked him to pray! I was getting so discouraged and so low because my mind was constantly beating myself down about not being able to do anything for God! I am not writing this as a testimony of overcoming these feelings completely but I am simply putting out there something that I am dealing with! I have found some relief from this burden but I know full victory is on its way! I just wanted to say what I know about this...the devil is a liar. I can do nothing on my own but with God all things are possible! If anyone else out there is feeling like this then I encourage you to stay in the presence of God and allow him to be shown mighty through you! I am not sure if I am going through this so that I will gain a deep dependence on God or what but I know something good is on the other side! This could be a major breaking down of pride which would be nice because that is one of my many struggles! I truly desire a ministry that lifts up Christ and Christ only so this may be a path that will lead me there! Because sometimes (for me at least) as someone called to preach it can be easy for pride to step in. People constantly coming up and saying "hey you did great..or hey I love the way you preach...or hey this and hey that.." Compliments and encouragement have their place and are great but sometimes that can me a minister's greatest downfall...because that can allow pride to creep in and make them feel like THEY did something special when even the very WORD they receive and gave was from God! So if that is what all this is about then bring it! I'm gonna hold on to Jesus and hopefully come out on the other side a lot more dependant on Jesus and more humble (hopefully lol)

I look forward to sharing a testimony of deliverance from this situation in future posts! God Bless!