I should totally be in bed but my brain won't turn off. Life happened tonight. My 18 month old went potty like a big boy. We haven't been pushing the issue because he is still young but we've been introducing the idea slowly. Stuff like..."daddy goes potty like a big boy....one day you will!" And every night I had been letting him sit just for fun...and tonight he tee teed like a big boy. I was thrilled! I hollered "yaaayyyy!" And I danced with him down the hall to tell daddy. I was pumped until he went to sleep. Then it hit me. Life happens. And it happens way too fast. My brain started spinning because not only did my oldest boy potty like a big boy...but his daddy and I talked about how long his hair has gotten and how the thought of us having to cut it makes us both want to cry. Plus he's possibly going to have to make the transition out of his crib into a toddler bed. Woah. Slow down. Time stand still. Not to mention the fact that my littlest son, Levi is slowly getting too big for his newborn clothes. I can't deal. I just can't. It used to kill me thinking about marrying the love of my life and one day growing old with him and all that mush...but now this...My children will one day be grown. Ouch. Too much for one night. There will be no more bottles...no more toys throughout the house...no more cries in the night for another bottle...Time...please stand still. Now before you say it,yes I know...I have forever until that time comes..but not really...After my brain began to process all this (mind you I'm in bed trying to sleep?!!)I began to think about certain times in my life that I miss. High school. I miss high school. Not for any reason other than soccer...the practices, the sweat, the victories, the losses, the fighting, the battle. I miss that. I miss college. Yes college...I miss schoolwork, I miss buying books, making schedules, waiting for class to start in the hallways, going to bio labs, trying to find a dreadful parking spot, and I miss tests. I miss that! I miss early merge days...hanging out until 2 am on those above mentioned school nights lol...talking, praying, laughing, fellowship. I miss that. I miss the days when Brian and I were first dating...the butterflies, the excitement, the curiosity. I miss it. I miss being single married people (no kiddos, tho I wouldn't trade them for anything) I miss the oodles of time we had for each other. I miss that. I miss when Caleb was a baby...oh don't get me started. I miss that dearly. I miss it. Sad thing is...the common denominator to every area I missed is the fact that I wanted it all to hurry and pass so I could move on to the next phase...I look back and regret that...I do...I really do. I took those times for granted. I blew through them...and was always looking ahead to the next thing and I miss it. Man life is just a vapor. My prayer is that going forward I will live in the moment...each moment..soaking up baby kisses...sweet little Levi smiles..sweaty husband fresh off of work hugs...and cleaning up a toy filled house.
Help me Lord to live in each day...not for tomorrow. Please Jesus...for before I know it this will all be gone and I will be in your presence..(what a day that will be...I know!) But I am meant to make a difference while I am here...Lord help me to do that...and help me to have fun along the way!
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Monday, May 13, 2013
A Father and His Child
Hi, it has DEFINITELY been a LONG time! I found out that we are expecting our little angel in December so we have been pretty busy...along with the school year coming to a close...busy, busy! Anyways so along with pregnancy comes a surge of crazy girl hormones! Whew what a ride! So that is what I will be writing about...how this has affected me and something that I have learned.
So yea its kind of affected my walk with the Lord a little bit...Considering how lazy and tired I feel ALL the time...it pours over into my relationship with God....LAZINESS. Which I wont lie to you...a little laziness has always kind of been an issue for me anyways when it comes to pursuing God...so it only got worse. I have been COMPLETELY walking in the flesh lol...my flesh man is SUPER strong and my poor little spirit man is just almost completely dead! So sad I know...but just being honest! But thankfully I have an awesome husband and an awesome God!
Brian has been pretty fired up about the Word lately which is awesome since I haven't been...(Always a balancing act with us :)) He has been reading it to "the baby" and getting excited about it as he reads. Not knowing that "the mommy" was the one really needing it! So as I have been seeing the Word come alive to him it has stirred me up inside a little to want to read more and it was coming alive to me personally! But only when I ACTUALLY took time to read it! Remember...lazy!! So yea still...feeling beat up and pretty low.
There was also this song that has been coming on the radio a lot lately that I love...the words are..."You're my revival song, that's right where I belong...on my knees...on my knees...when I am weak you're strong, you meet me here when I'm on my knees, on my knees" So true! It hits me every time I hear it!! So powerful! I came to that conclusion last night after a long talk with my husband and desperate tears for a move of God and a change in my walk I realized...every area that is lacking in my personal life..for example...my ability to walk around with joy...and my ability to love others...and my ability to be full of life...all would be worked out if Jesus was first in my life! My priorities are messed up and they need to me fixed. -Honesty isn't fun some times...it hurts...especially when we are having to be honest with ourselves...
But here is the climax and the reason for the title of this post...Last night after I told my hubby how I was feeling...He began to pray a VERY deep and heartfelt prayer for me. MUCH needed. I began to cry and tell God..."Lord...I need revival...not for a shout..not for any reason other than needing to be revived! I feel like I've been dying! (My fault too) So as I prayed I said this one thing...Lord...I'm too weak to even get up...I need you to come to me and pick me up. And that is exactly what I saw Him doing in my head...I saw me as a small child...with a skinned knee unable to get up by myself...wanting my "Daddy" and I saw Him coming over and lovingly scooping me up and taking care of my wounds...IT was beautiful and I had so much peace going to sleep last night! It was such a sweet presence of the Father...Woke up feeling renewed! I want to encourage this morning...we have a heavenly Father who loves us and WILL come to our rescue!!
So yea its kind of affected my walk with the Lord a little bit...Considering how lazy and tired I feel ALL the time...it pours over into my relationship with God....LAZINESS. Which I wont lie to you...a little laziness has always kind of been an issue for me anyways when it comes to pursuing God...so it only got worse. I have been COMPLETELY walking in the flesh lol...my flesh man is SUPER strong and my poor little spirit man is just almost completely dead! So sad I know...but just being honest! But thankfully I have an awesome husband and an awesome God!
Brian has been pretty fired up about the Word lately which is awesome since I haven't been...(Always a balancing act with us :)) He has been reading it to "the baby" and getting excited about it as he reads. Not knowing that "the mommy" was the one really needing it! So as I have been seeing the Word come alive to him it has stirred me up inside a little to want to read more and it was coming alive to me personally! But only when I ACTUALLY took time to read it! Remember...lazy!! So yea still...feeling beat up and pretty low.
There was also this song that has been coming on the radio a lot lately that I love...the words are..."You're my revival song, that's right where I belong...on my knees...on my knees...when I am weak you're strong, you meet me here when I'm on my knees, on my knees" So true! It hits me every time I hear it!! So powerful! I came to that conclusion last night after a long talk with my husband and desperate tears for a move of God and a change in my walk I realized...every area that is lacking in my personal life..for example...my ability to walk around with joy...and my ability to love others...and my ability to be full of life...all would be worked out if Jesus was first in my life! My priorities are messed up and they need to me fixed. -Honesty isn't fun some times...it hurts...especially when we are having to be honest with ourselves...
But here is the climax and the reason for the title of this post...Last night after I told my hubby how I was feeling...He began to pray a VERY deep and heartfelt prayer for me. MUCH needed. I began to cry and tell God..."Lord...I need revival...not for a shout..not for any reason other than needing to be revived! I feel like I've been dying! (My fault too) So as I prayed I said this one thing...Lord...I'm too weak to even get up...I need you to come to me and pick me up. And that is exactly what I saw Him doing in my head...I saw me as a small child...with a skinned knee unable to get up by myself...wanting my "Daddy" and I saw Him coming over and lovingly scooping me up and taking care of my wounds...IT was beautiful and I had so much peace going to sleep last night! It was such a sweet presence of the Father...Woke up feeling renewed! I want to encourage this morning...we have a heavenly Father who loves us and WILL come to our rescue!!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Easter in a child's eyes.
I'm so excited about Easter! I feel like I have grown and learned something this Easter! I am currently teaching 1st Graders at a Christian school which means I have free reign to talk about Jesus with them. It is actually a part of our curriculum. We have beautiful cards that show the story in a powerful way! They usually don't hold anything back either!
So for the month of March we started talking about all the things that Jesus did in His ministry! We talked about His many miracles and how He healed and set free many people! How he caused food amounts to multiply and how he raised others from the dead! My kids became more and more excited by His kind nature and by how powerful he was! But as you know in certain parts of these stories Jesus has to deal with the Jewish leaders who hated Him! So the kids became aware of how much some people hated him and they would get a little upset lol! They would say things like "They are just crazy!! And they just love the devil!!" And then this past week we started talking about the last week of Jesus life.
We talked about how Jesus rode the donkey's colt into Jerusalem and how people laid their head wraps and laid twigs before him and cried out "Hosanna" when Jesus rode through the city! They asked what "Hosanna" meant and when I told them that it meant "Glory to God in the highest" They were so excited because they saw that as Jesus finally getting the respect he deserves! I could literally see the light in their eyes glow bright because they were happy for Jesus!
Then we talked about Passover and how that represented God bringing the people out of Egypt and told them about Jesus washing the disciples feet. Told them about how the disciples and Jesus all took communion together and how Jesus told them that He was going to have to die. I told them about how Peter got very upset and how he said that "HE would never let that happen to him!" Then we talked about Judas betraying Jesus to the people that hated him...boy they were not happy with Judas! They just couldn't believe that he would do that after all that he had seen Jesus do and heard him say!
Then we talked about how Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane and how he was scared and was feeling the weight of having to take the sins of the world, so overwhelmed that his sweat turned to blood. Then as the guards came and Judas kissed him to betray him they became more upset with Judas and these "Crazy old guards" as they said. **They loved the part where the soldiers asked "Which one of you are Jesus of Nazareth?" and He said "I am HE". When he said that they all fell to the ground. And Jesus told them (paraphrasing) You are not taking me captive...For I could call down legions of angels to come to my rescue...but I am freely giving my life" (They loved that)
However their emotions switched from being kind of angry to very hurt and saddened by what they were hearing. As I talked about how they took Jesus before a big crowd and lied on him and said horrible things about him, then they spit on him and punched him and made fun of him their emotions changed. They were still angry but more hurt for Jesus than mad! They would say things like..."Why did they do that?? They are horrible! They are the liars!!" Then when Jesus admitted that He was the son of God, the priest had enough and wanted to kill him, they got very quiet!
Talked about how they took Jesus before the governor so that they could get permission to kill him. I told them about how Pilate (the governor) didn't think that Jesus really did anything wrong...but he was scared of the people...Then they saw the card that showed Jesus being beaten with blood on his back they became very upset..( sounds like a little much for them at their age but the truth is the truth)
I talked about how they almost killed him when they beat him and told them how the soldiers put a fake robe on Jesus...a crown of thorns on his head...and a fake scepter in his hands (all to make fun of him) and called out "Hail king of the Jews!!" The kids were almost in tears...because they remembered all the other stories of how Jesus had been so kind and loving to everyone...He didn't deserve all this.
Then I talked about how Pilate brought him back out in front of the angry religious people and they still cried out "Crucify him!!" The kids said "What???You have got to be kidding me!!" They could see that these people wanted him dead! And I explained...it was God's plan for him to die for us so it had to happen this way!
Talked about Jesus carrying the cross up that steep hill as everyone in the crowd called him names and threw stuff at him. They were sadder and sadder. Talked about how the whole way the guards still beat him and cussed at him. They were mad!
Talked about how they then threw Jesus on the ground and drove a nail in his right hand with a hammer into the cross and the same in his left hand. Then they did the same thing to his feet. I reminded them that this was horrible pain!!! They sat there quietly...very quiet...eyes filled with tiny little tears...And one boy turned around and said to the rest of the class..."HE did all that for us...when we should have been the ones crucified.." He pointed to the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross and said "That should have been us!"
I told them that as Jesus hung between two thieves all the people made fun of him! They threw rocks at him and hollered cuss words at him and yelled things like "You call yourselves a King but you can't even save yourself!!" The kids were horrified!! Angry, Devastated, and grieved. But the next thing I said rocked their worlds.
I told the kids the next thing that Jesus said on the Cross and they were astonished! As Jesus heard all of these insults and was being made fun of and hit...He whispers "Forgive them Father because they don't know what they are doing" The kids all gasped...they couldn't believe Jesus just prayed for those horrible people. But I reminded them that Jesus loved them so much too!! I saw their little eyes fill with tears again. :)
Then I told them about the thieves hollering stuff at Jesus too...but how after one of the thieves heard Jesus pray for these people he told his friend...I think this is the Son of God...and said to Jesus "When you go to Heaven...will you please remember me?" And Jesus told him "OF course...this day you will be with me in Paradise!" The kids cheered because Jesus had just taken that bad guy to heaven with him!!
Lastly I told them about Jesus saying with a loud voice it is finished...and dying. They were very solemn and looked at me with tears in their eyes (trying to fight them back of course...so was I lol) Then I told them that we were going to pray and I wanted them to whisper their prayers to Jesus and thank him for what he did! So we prayed and the sweetest sound came from their little mouths...Things like "thank you Jesus! I love you Jesus" HA good stuff!
I told all of this to tell you all that I was reminded of the purity of this gospel today! Its so simple...Jesus died for our sins and he shouldn't have had to. But he did. He didn't deserve it, He loved endlessly and He is awesome! The purity of the way these children were taking in this message was so refreshing! They were in awe of a Savior that would do something like this so that they didn't have to go to Hell!
I told them that though this story is very sad..Just hold on because its about to get good Jesus rises from the dead!!
I hope that the purity of these little kids can stir you like it stirred me! God bless and Happy Easter!
So for the month of March we started talking about all the things that Jesus did in His ministry! We talked about His many miracles and how He healed and set free many people! How he caused food amounts to multiply and how he raised others from the dead! My kids became more and more excited by His kind nature and by how powerful he was! But as you know in certain parts of these stories Jesus has to deal with the Jewish leaders who hated Him! So the kids became aware of how much some people hated him and they would get a little upset lol! They would say things like "They are just crazy!! And they just love the devil!!" And then this past week we started talking about the last week of Jesus life.
We talked about how Jesus rode the donkey's colt into Jerusalem and how people laid their head wraps and laid twigs before him and cried out "Hosanna" when Jesus rode through the city! They asked what "Hosanna" meant and when I told them that it meant "Glory to God in the highest" They were so excited because they saw that as Jesus finally getting the respect he deserves! I could literally see the light in their eyes glow bright because they were happy for Jesus!
Then we talked about Passover and how that represented God bringing the people out of Egypt and told them about Jesus washing the disciples feet. Told them about how the disciples and Jesus all took communion together and how Jesus told them that He was going to have to die. I told them about how Peter got very upset and how he said that "HE would never let that happen to him!" Then we talked about Judas betraying Jesus to the people that hated him...boy they were not happy with Judas! They just couldn't believe that he would do that after all that he had seen Jesus do and heard him say!
Then we talked about how Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane and how he was scared and was feeling the weight of having to take the sins of the world, so overwhelmed that his sweat turned to blood. Then as the guards came and Judas kissed him to betray him they became more upset with Judas and these "Crazy old guards" as they said. **They loved the part where the soldiers asked "Which one of you are Jesus of Nazareth?" and He said "I am HE". When he said that they all fell to the ground. And Jesus told them (paraphrasing) You are not taking me captive...For I could call down legions of angels to come to my rescue...but I am freely giving my life" (They loved that)
However their emotions switched from being kind of angry to very hurt and saddened by what they were hearing. As I talked about how they took Jesus before a big crowd and lied on him and said horrible things about him, then they spit on him and punched him and made fun of him their emotions changed. They were still angry but more hurt for Jesus than mad! They would say things like..."Why did they do that?? They are horrible! They are the liars!!" Then when Jesus admitted that He was the son of God, the priest had enough and wanted to kill him, they got very quiet!
Talked about how they took Jesus before the governor so that they could get permission to kill him. I told them about how Pilate (the governor) didn't think that Jesus really did anything wrong...but he was scared of the people...Then they saw the card that showed Jesus being beaten with blood on his back they became very upset..( sounds like a little much for them at their age but the truth is the truth)
I talked about how they almost killed him when they beat him and told them how the soldiers put a fake robe on Jesus...a crown of thorns on his head...and a fake scepter in his hands (all to make fun of him) and called out "Hail king of the Jews!!" The kids were almost in tears...because they remembered all the other stories of how Jesus had been so kind and loving to everyone...He didn't deserve all this.
Then I talked about how Pilate brought him back out in front of the angry religious people and they still cried out "Crucify him!!" The kids said "What???You have got to be kidding me!!" They could see that these people wanted him dead! And I explained...it was God's plan for him to die for us so it had to happen this way!
Talked about Jesus carrying the cross up that steep hill as everyone in the crowd called him names and threw stuff at him. They were sadder and sadder. Talked about how the whole way the guards still beat him and cussed at him. They were mad!
Talked about how they then threw Jesus on the ground and drove a nail in his right hand with a hammer into the cross and the same in his left hand. Then they did the same thing to his feet. I reminded them that this was horrible pain!!! They sat there quietly...very quiet...eyes filled with tiny little tears...And one boy turned around and said to the rest of the class..."HE did all that for us...when we should have been the ones crucified.." He pointed to the picture of Jesus hanging on the cross and said "That should have been us!"
I told them that as Jesus hung between two thieves all the people made fun of him! They threw rocks at him and hollered cuss words at him and yelled things like "You call yourselves a King but you can't even save yourself!!" The kids were horrified!! Angry, Devastated, and grieved. But the next thing I said rocked their worlds.
I told the kids the next thing that Jesus said on the Cross and they were astonished! As Jesus heard all of these insults and was being made fun of and hit...He whispers "Forgive them Father because they don't know what they are doing" The kids all gasped...they couldn't believe Jesus just prayed for those horrible people. But I reminded them that Jesus loved them so much too!! I saw their little eyes fill with tears again. :)
Then I told them about the thieves hollering stuff at Jesus too...but how after one of the thieves heard Jesus pray for these people he told his friend...I think this is the Son of God...and said to Jesus "When you go to Heaven...will you please remember me?" And Jesus told him "OF course...this day you will be with me in Paradise!" The kids cheered because Jesus had just taken that bad guy to heaven with him!!
Lastly I told them about Jesus saying with a loud voice it is finished...and dying. They were very solemn and looked at me with tears in their eyes (trying to fight them back of course...so was I lol) Then I told them that we were going to pray and I wanted them to whisper their prayers to Jesus and thank him for what he did! So we prayed and the sweetest sound came from their little mouths...Things like "thank you Jesus! I love you Jesus" HA good stuff!
I told all of this to tell you all that I was reminded of the purity of this gospel today! Its so simple...Jesus died for our sins and he shouldn't have had to. But he did. He didn't deserve it, He loved endlessly and He is awesome! The purity of the way these children were taking in this message was so refreshing! They were in awe of a Savior that would do something like this so that they didn't have to go to Hell!
I told them that though this story is very sad..Just hold on because its about to get good Jesus rises from the dead!!
I hope that the purity of these little kids can stir you like it stirred me! God bless and Happy Easter!
Friday, March 15, 2013
Stinkin' Thinkin' :)
So Merge has started a Married couples Bible study recently and it is fantastic! Brooke Catchpole is leading it and it has been very exciting! We are reading through the book "Love and Respect" and it has been very eye opening! First of all it is all about how the woman's need is love and how the man's need is to feel respected! Good stuff and that comes from Ephesians 5:33. But the thing that I want to bring out in this blog is the statement that the author makes about something, because it is profound!
He says in regards to your spouse "Believe that the person you choose is good, and has only goodwill towards you!" Meaning, remember...they chose to marry you...they are not now out to get you! Sometimes people can say things and we can interpret them as a slam against us when really that is not their heart at all! They never meant to do something or say something to simply be evil towards us or to hurt us...they have good will towards us and we need to give them the benefit of the doubt!
This is such a good principle for marriage! However I also believe it is such a good principle for just people in general! Now...before I go further I would like to say...Does EVERYONE have good will towards us? HA no...but do most people?? Yes...Especially our family and inner group of friends. People will always be people and always be crazy and say or do things that make no sense and are hurtful. But from experience it is such a burden to carry thinking that everyone is out to get you...or that everything that anyone says is directed towards us! This stems (for me) from a root of insecurity and God has got to deal with it! We CAN let people love us...we CAN love people...are people always being real? NO but we are called to love! So I am going to try this new thing where I don't think everyone is out to get me...or think that everyone is talking about me.
Now I am not saying leave your discernment at the house lol but I'm saying that if someone DOES happen to have ill will towards us in their actions and words...then that is on them and not us! Let God deal with them and we have to love them!
**Short blog today but I feel like its a message that can cut to the core of who we are and how we think! I'm praying I get better at this (only with God's help) as well as any who read this!
He says in regards to your spouse "Believe that the person you choose is good, and has only goodwill towards you!" Meaning, remember...they chose to marry you...they are not now out to get you! Sometimes people can say things and we can interpret them as a slam against us when really that is not their heart at all! They never meant to do something or say something to simply be evil towards us or to hurt us...they have good will towards us and we need to give them the benefit of the doubt!
This is such a good principle for marriage! However I also believe it is such a good principle for just people in general! Now...before I go further I would like to say...Does EVERYONE have good will towards us? HA no...but do most people?? Yes...Especially our family and inner group of friends. People will always be people and always be crazy and say or do things that make no sense and are hurtful. But from experience it is such a burden to carry thinking that everyone is out to get you...or that everything that anyone says is directed towards us! This stems (for me) from a root of insecurity and God has got to deal with it! We CAN let people love us...we CAN love people...are people always being real? NO but we are called to love! So I am going to try this new thing where I don't think everyone is out to get me...or think that everyone is talking about me.
Now I am not saying leave your discernment at the house lol but I'm saying that if someone DOES happen to have ill will towards us in their actions and words...then that is on them and not us! Let God deal with them and we have to love them!
**Short blog today but I feel like its a message that can cut to the core of who we are and how we think! I'm praying I get better at this (only with God's help) as well as any who read this!
Monday, March 11, 2013
The inner fight!
Sometimes after being saved a while we might not have any bondage's that you could see with your eyes anymore. The game has changed! People begin to grow in victory in Jesus and walk in freedom over some things! For example someone may not drink anymore or do drugs anymore or be in frivolous relationships, however a different fight begins! Not saying those things never rear their ugly heads again...but we begin to grow up and be a little more sanctified. But like I said a different fight begins!
This is what I call the fight of the mind! I have experienced this so much lately! Feelings of falling short, or inadequacy begin to bring about a sense of bondage. I have recently experienced this! The sense of inadequacy has been the most real bondage lately! For example...Recently a friend of mine took me by the hand and down into the altar for me to pray with her to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was excited for her but nervous at the same time...I began to feel a sense of inadequacy like..."you could never pray with her and her receive!!" I felt very small! And would I ever baptise anyone in the Holy Ghost...NO because I am not God and I know that...but this was about being used...It was a feeling that was saying you know if you prayed for her or anyone God surely wouldn't use you to do anything!!
Which obviously we know where that lie came from. Now to make something VERY clear. I AM inadequate to do anything on my own...and so is every other child of God! However the God I serve is not inadequate but VERY Capable of handling business! So the devil is a liar! I am not sure if I am the only one who ever felt like this before but it became very real. Suddenly I was re evaluating my calling and wanting to back away from all ministry because I didn't feel like I could ever be effective in the kingdom of God. It was a sense of insecurity in who I am in Christ which was crazy because I had never dealt with it before! I told my husband about it and asked him to pray! I was getting so discouraged and so low because my mind was constantly beating myself down about not being able to do anything for God! I am not writing this as a testimony of overcoming these feelings completely but I am simply putting out there something that I am dealing with! I have found some relief from this burden but I know full victory is on its way! I just wanted to say what I know about this...the devil is a liar. I can do nothing on my own but with God all things are possible! If anyone else out there is feeling like this then I encourage you to stay in the presence of God and allow him to be shown mighty through you! I am not sure if I am going through this so that I will gain a deep dependence on God or what but I know something good is on the other side! This could be a major breaking down of pride which would be nice because that is one of my many struggles! I truly desire a ministry that lifts up Christ and Christ only so this may be a path that will lead me there! Because sometimes (for me at least) as someone called to preach it can be easy for pride to step in. People constantly coming up and saying "hey you did great..or hey I love the way you preach...or hey this and hey that.." Compliments and encouragement have their place and are great but sometimes that can me a minister's greatest downfall...because that can allow pride to creep in and make them feel like THEY did something special when even the very WORD they receive and gave was from God! So if that is what all this is about then bring it! I'm gonna hold on to Jesus and hopefully come out on the other side a lot more dependant on Jesus and more humble (hopefully lol)
I look forward to sharing a testimony of deliverance from this situation in future posts! God Bless!
This is what I call the fight of the mind! I have experienced this so much lately! Feelings of falling short, or inadequacy begin to bring about a sense of bondage. I have recently experienced this! The sense of inadequacy has been the most real bondage lately! For example...Recently a friend of mine took me by the hand and down into the altar for me to pray with her to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was excited for her but nervous at the same time...I began to feel a sense of inadequacy like..."you could never pray with her and her receive!!" I felt very small! And would I ever baptise anyone in the Holy Ghost...NO because I am not God and I know that...but this was about being used...It was a feeling that was saying you know if you prayed for her or anyone God surely wouldn't use you to do anything!!
Which obviously we know where that lie came from. Now to make something VERY clear. I AM inadequate to do anything on my own...and so is every other child of God! However the God I serve is not inadequate but VERY Capable of handling business! So the devil is a liar! I am not sure if I am the only one who ever felt like this before but it became very real. Suddenly I was re evaluating my calling and wanting to back away from all ministry because I didn't feel like I could ever be effective in the kingdom of God. It was a sense of insecurity in who I am in Christ which was crazy because I had never dealt with it before! I told my husband about it and asked him to pray! I was getting so discouraged and so low because my mind was constantly beating myself down about not being able to do anything for God! I am not writing this as a testimony of overcoming these feelings completely but I am simply putting out there something that I am dealing with! I have found some relief from this burden but I know full victory is on its way! I just wanted to say what I know about this...the devil is a liar. I can do nothing on my own but with God all things are possible! If anyone else out there is feeling like this then I encourage you to stay in the presence of God and allow him to be shown mighty through you! I am not sure if I am going through this so that I will gain a deep dependence on God or what but I know something good is on the other side! This could be a major breaking down of pride which would be nice because that is one of my many struggles! I truly desire a ministry that lifts up Christ and Christ only so this may be a path that will lead me there! Because sometimes (for me at least) as someone called to preach it can be easy for pride to step in. People constantly coming up and saying "hey you did great..or hey I love the way you preach...or hey this and hey that.." Compliments and encouragement have their place and are great but sometimes that can me a minister's greatest downfall...because that can allow pride to creep in and make them feel like THEY did something special when even the very WORD they receive and gave was from God! So if that is what all this is about then bring it! I'm gonna hold on to Jesus and hopefully come out on the other side a lot more dependant on Jesus and more humble (hopefully lol)
I look forward to sharing a testimony of deliverance from this situation in future posts! God Bless!
Monday, February 4, 2013
He made a way!
So in Sunday school at my church we have been reading from Hebrews. Hebrews talks alot about how Jesus is our High Priest and how much better the new covenant is than the old one! Great book! I will explain for those who are like "Huh?" haha that is ok :)
So back in the old testament days God made his people sacrifice animals. Reason being was because man had sinned and the only way we could have fellowship with God or be right with God was if His wrath was appeased. Sounds crazy but ever since man fell in the garden we have been given a sin nature. God wants us to be with Him so He decided that if we were willing we could sacrifice animals on an altar...an animal without spot or blemish. And what that meant to God was that the sins that we committed were being transferred to that animal and it dying on the altar was that sin being punished. (Poor little animals). But that was the way it had to be, because God's rule is...where there is sin...there must be punishment...that punishment is death.
SO God raised up some priests and required them to do all of these rituals. Once a year on the day of atonement, God required the priest to go into the temple and sacrifice a lamb on the altar of God for his sins....then another one for the sins of the people. Sounds simple right? lol it definitely wasn't though! I'm going to put a layout of the temple on here for you to see a clear vision of it.
So below is the layout. There was an outer court, with the altar, brazen altar. Then u walk into a tent and you were standing inside the holy place, and there was a table with bread on it, a candlestick, and the altar of incense. Towards the back of the room...there was a veil, that separated the Holy Place from the Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies housed the ark of the covenant...which was nothing but a chest that had a seat on top of it. Inside the ark was the ten commandments and a few other objects. But the seat that was on top was called the "mercy seat". This was where the prepared sacrifice would be placed and it was where the glory of God would be manifested to the priest.
So like I said earlier the priest had to go in and do all of these rituals for the forgiveness of sins and ultimately lay the sacrifice on the altar. If God accepted the sacrifice the Shekinah glory would come (a cloud of smoke) and it would rest upon the mercy seat. Sounds easy but if that priest wasn't holy before God and he went in treating the things of God anything but Holy he was struck dead. Not because God is mean but because He is a holy God. So the people would tie a rope around his leg when he would go in and they would wait patiently out in the courtyard. The priest would jingle his outfit which had little bells on the end of it if God had excepted the sacrifice. If they heard no bells after a while they knew he was dead. The rope around his leg was for them to be able to drag him out...because they weren't going in. So that was the deal EVERY year! This thing had to be done in a very reverent way.
So back in the old testament days God made his people sacrifice animals. Reason being was because man had sinned and the only way we could have fellowship with God or be right with God was if His wrath was appeased. Sounds crazy but ever since man fell in the garden we have been given a sin nature. God wants us to be with Him so He decided that if we were willing we could sacrifice animals on an altar...an animal without spot or blemish. And what that meant to God was that the sins that we committed were being transferred to that animal and it dying on the altar was that sin being punished. (Poor little animals). But that was the way it had to be, because God's rule is...where there is sin...there must be punishment...that punishment is death.
SO God raised up some priests and required them to do all of these rituals. Once a year on the day of atonement, God required the priest to go into the temple and sacrifice a lamb on the altar of God for his sins....then another one for the sins of the people. Sounds simple right? lol it definitely wasn't though! I'm going to put a layout of the temple on here for you to see a clear vision of it.
So below is the layout. There was an outer court, with the altar, brazen altar. Then u walk into a tent and you were standing inside the holy place, and there was a table with bread on it, a candlestick, and the altar of incense. Towards the back of the room...there was a veil, that separated the Holy Place from the Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies housed the ark of the covenant...which was nothing but a chest that had a seat on top of it. Inside the ark was the ten commandments and a few other objects. But the seat that was on top was called the "mercy seat". This was where the prepared sacrifice would be placed and it was where the glory of God would be manifested to the priest.
So like I said earlier the priest had to go in and do all of these rituals for the forgiveness of sins and ultimately lay the sacrifice on the altar. If God accepted the sacrifice the Shekinah glory would come (a cloud of smoke) and it would rest upon the mercy seat. Sounds easy but if that priest wasn't holy before God and he went in treating the things of God anything but Holy he was struck dead. Not because God is mean but because He is a holy God. So the people would tie a rope around his leg when he would go in and they would wait patiently out in the courtyard. The priest would jingle his outfit which had little bells on the end of it if God had excepted the sacrifice. If they heard no bells after a while they knew he was dead. The rope around his leg was for them to be able to drag him out...because they weren't going in. So that was the deal EVERY year! This thing had to be done in a very reverent way.
So the really cool thing is that Jesus is described as the Lamb that was slain before the foundation of the world! So that means that God had already planned on sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. The final sacrifice...The cross wasn't some last minute solution to a terrible problem that the devil caused. It was THE plan since before the fall of man! The animal slain on the altar for man's sins were a picture pointing to Jesus...all those years before he came. So when Jesus came and lived perfect he was like a lamb without spot or blemish. He was taken to the cross to die like a lamb being led to the slaughter. HE died on the cross bearing ALL of our sins forever (not just for one year) and said..."it is finished". Then he died. Now we know that HE went to Hell and preached to the captives... (Abraham..Isaac..Etc.) and then he rose again! But there was so much more! In Hebrews ch 9 it talks about Christ as our NEW High Priest... It talks about how there was an earthly tabernacle...but that the heavenly one was so much greater...and how Jesus went into the temple as our high priest (like one above in picture) and he laid himself on the mercy for us! So instead of carrying a lamb slain into the temple with him...He went in AS the lamb! I can just see that so clear in my head! Jesus bloody and bruised...beaten and torn...pushing his way through the gate of the temple...through the outer court...passed the brazen altar...into the Holy Place...and into the Holy of Holies to lay himself on that altar for us! And whats so exciting is that when God saw that...HE was pleased Forever!! There will never be need for another animal sacrifice again!! God's wrath had been calmed on His son Jesus! And the cool thing was...That veil between the Holy place and the Holy of Holies had been torn! It's historical...when Jesus died..they recorded that somehow the literal veil in the temple had been torn from TOP TO BOTTOM...I ll tell you how...it was Jesus! That veil separated God's presence from His people! No longer!! We can now walk right into the Holy of Holies converted by the Blood of Jesus!!! We can have fellowship with GOD!! Jesus is a way maker!! Yes he has made a way for us in our everyday lives...but most importantly...He has made a way into the Holy of Holies where we can ALWAYS have fellowship with God!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
In His time!
I had a rough go with guys! I will just be honest! When I was young and lost I dated "bad boys". Which meant that they treated me poorly and were not in the best crowds. I dated anywhere from abusive physically, drug abusers, criminals, or they were mentally abusive! I had seen it all! And thought there was no hope in guys! I was in a toxic relationship when I got saved and obviously that had to go! It wasnt as easy as that sounds though! It was hard! I "loved" him (as much as you can when you are young). It was hard! When I got saved my whole life began to change (for the better) but it was difficult at times! God began to change my friends...my music...my style...my entertainment...my environment...and DEFINITELY my relationships! I had to follow Christ! I just had to! There was no other option for me! It was never in the cards for me to go back and not serve Jesus...I had tasted and seen! So yea after a long couple of months of me fighting the will of God I had to get rid of the guy I was with! I entered a very hard road of restoration! Restoration in the way of healing the wounds in my heart...and finding out who I am in Christ! Was it easy NO! It was hard! There were times I would lay in my room and feel overwhelmed with lonliness and pray and ask God to send my husband!! I had one time where I was in my room praying and God spoke to me and I wrote it down! HE said "You are my child and I will take care of you! I am sending you a husband and you will have a family! But in my timing not yours!" OR somthing to that affect! I was like ok God...There would be times that I would find myself praying for this "unknown husband" I remember praying that God would keep His hand on Him and deliver Him from anything He is going through! HA!!
Well 9 months go by and of course I am like looking for "the one" and yea...he hasnt came yet I had been single all this time! So of course I am like looking for him everywhere I go! Well I was at a service at a church and during worship a random guy walked up to me and told me to look at him. He said "I dont know why but God wants me to tell you that HE has seen your lonely nights and He is sending your husband to you! Just hold on!" I was like wow...ok Lord!
So I am at merge the next week and a guy walks in...He is nice looking and He seems interested in me...Im thinking wow ok God you sure do work fast! NOT! Dated him and it was a train wreck! He was not very nice!! He treated me terribly and he was a "Christian". (Not saying he isnt but anyways)
So I date him for about six months too long! I have been mentally abused! Been in bondage to religion because of his ways...and it was just horrible! I was at my lowest point and was just done with guys!
Two months go by and I have been praying and allowing God to heal me from the damage...And in walks this gorgeous guy(came in merge). I was doing drama that night and I spoke in the altar. I could feel him staring at me and when I would look HE wouldnt take his eyes off of me...sounds creepy but it wasnt at all. There was just something about him... I met him and I thought he was gorgeous! I began to pray about him because I knew that there was a serious connection there and I was fearful of that! I guess I was fearful because I wanted God's will and didnt want to waste anymore time on someone that wasnt...because all that brought me was pain!
I prayed and prayed and God confirmed time and time again and I ended up marrying that gorgeous hunk of man!! And let me tell you that when it is God...it is Good! When it isnt God...it isnt good! I want this to be a sort of testimony and an encouragement! There is someone out there for you that God has created for you! But however there is also someone out there that is not sent from God and they will be sent to you to distract you! Pray people...before you talk to a person of the opposite sex...pray before you date someone!! Never just jump into a relationship...because it WILL end in disaster if it is not of God! And you will come out on the other side damaged and that is not what God wants! God is faithful! He knows that it "is not good for man to be alone" and if that is a desire of your heart...he WILL bring it to pass! But you have to be out of the way and you cant allow anyone else to take the place of what God has for you!
Well 9 months go by and of course I am like looking for "the one" and yea...he hasnt came yet I had been single all this time! So of course I am like looking for him everywhere I go! Well I was at a service at a church and during worship a random guy walked up to me and told me to look at him. He said "I dont know why but God wants me to tell you that HE has seen your lonely nights and He is sending your husband to you! Just hold on!" I was like wow...ok Lord!
So I am at merge the next week and a guy walks in...He is nice looking and He seems interested in me...Im thinking wow ok God you sure do work fast! NOT! Dated him and it was a train wreck! He was not very nice!! He treated me terribly and he was a "Christian". (Not saying he isnt but anyways)
So I date him for about six months too long! I have been mentally abused! Been in bondage to religion because of his ways...and it was just horrible! I was at my lowest point and was just done with guys!
Two months go by and I have been praying and allowing God to heal me from the damage...And in walks this gorgeous guy(came in merge). I was doing drama that night and I spoke in the altar. I could feel him staring at me and when I would look HE wouldnt take his eyes off of me...sounds creepy but it wasnt at all. There was just something about him... I met him and I thought he was gorgeous! I began to pray about him because I knew that there was a serious connection there and I was fearful of that! I guess I was fearful because I wanted God's will and didnt want to waste anymore time on someone that wasnt...because all that brought me was pain!
I prayed and prayed and God confirmed time and time again and I ended up marrying that gorgeous hunk of man!! And let me tell you that when it is God...it is Good! When it isnt God...it isnt good! I want this to be a sort of testimony and an encouragement! There is someone out there for you that God has created for you! But however there is also someone out there that is not sent from God and they will be sent to you to distract you! Pray people...before you talk to a person of the opposite sex...pray before you date someone!! Never just jump into a relationship...because it WILL end in disaster if it is not of God! And you will come out on the other side damaged and that is not what God wants! God is faithful! He knows that it "is not good for man to be alone" and if that is a desire of your heart...he WILL bring it to pass! But you have to be out of the way and you cant allow anyone else to take the place of what God has for you!
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